We are who we are when we said "when I grow up"

We made it.  We are in our 30's. We are who we are when we said, "when I grow up." Was it all you expected? Are you married to the love of your life with two kids? Do you and "said" family own your home and vacation on a yacht in the mediterranean?  Are you making major power moves living bi-coastal between LA and NYC? Is your face on that billboard on Sunset?  Well not exactly, we say. But we're still truckin'.


If you took the 10 year-old version of me (or heck, even the 20 year- old version of me) and asked: is being a 33 year-old single mother doing workout videos in my living room (see Billy Blanks Jr's Cardioke)  while my baby naps--and still not 100% sure of what I want to do with the rest of my life was what I expected and hoped? The answer, certainly, would be a solid no. But ironically, if you asked me if I would change the way my life has turned out, though it might not be a solid no, it would certainly be a "you know, I really don't think I would".

Yes, we have hit the point of being who we are when we said, "when I grow up." But, what we didn't know as children and in our early 20's, is that it takes some hard life lessons to give us the wisdom and character of the people who we are today. And, one of the biggest lessons is that life is unpredictable--we can't write our life story the way we would want to.

So instead, we get a life unexpected. Possibly married, not to the man of our dreams, but to a man who is consistent and loyal. Perhaps we're not even married, but we've created a group of friends who supports and loves us like any partner would.  Maybe we're not homeowners, nor "ball out" on yachts, but we have the best BBQ's and conversations with our fellow apartment, dwelling neighbors. Maybe we had an unplanned pregnancy that resulted in the most beautiful being that you ever laid your eyes on, and caused you to google "can you kiss a baby too much?" (yes, I really did). Or maybe you find you can't have a baby, but you adopt and love that little person with all of your heart and that little person gives you all the love you ever wanted. And so your face isn't on the billboard; nor are you living bi-coastal, but you wake up every morning with a focus and a passion that reminds you of why you're here.


We 30 year-old plus warriors make it work and for that thank God we aren't where we expected.  Instead we are for sure where we're supposed to be. Say word ; )

Laughter is the Best Medicine: If the line is pink...

This blog entry is dedicated to anyone that can appreciate humor in unexpected life circumstances. We all have had them, or will have them at some point of our lives. Being that I'm smack dab in the middle of one, I thought this was just too perfect to share. The scene is from the BBC show "Pulling" which centers around three single female friends in London. ***as an fyi to my fellow actresses out here, there a ton of great scenes for comedy actresses in this show so check it out.

Laughter is the Best Medicine : Thank God for "Stefon"

Here's another dose to make it all better.
If you've seen Bill Hader's Saturday Night Live character "Stefon", I hope you love him as much as I do.  If you haven't seen it yet, here is a brilliantly created character that is crazy funny- even though comedy is about "committing", I think I crack up most when Will can't hold it together. Hope you like it!

Laughter is the Best Medicine

It has been a hard couple months for me. I'm trying to find peace and I realize that one avenue is through being present. I find I'm most present when I'm laughing, whether it's at an amazing moment at an Improv show, a unexpected funny comment from a friend , physical comedy, or a  funny joke, etc... So in addition to my social commentary I have decided to share  what makes me laugh out loud and truly enjoy the moment. 

Below is a clip a from "Wet Hot American Summer". Paul Rudd- I love him.

How Did We Get Here?... And Our responsibility in Social Media

I am angry and I am worried. Recently on Twitter there was a tweet that said " IM IN BLUE FLAME SLAPPIN STRIPPERS ASS AS HARD AS I CAN FOR $20"  followed shortly by " IM DEAD WRONG FOR TWEETIN WHILE SOMEBODY DAUGHTER GIVIN ME A LAP DANCE". This particular Tweeter was a comedian but for me that was not an excuse and I'll explain why.  

Maybe it's because I'm getting older, moving past the years when I wouldn't think twice to dance to rap lyrics such as "It ain't no fun unless the homies can have some" or participate in sexual exploitive sketches that at the time I perceived as "funny".  Or maybe because I see numerous reports on "Where have all the good men gone" and why woman (in particular Black women) aren't getting married because our pool of men is so small.  I don't think I'm pushing to say that there has to be some correlation with the misogynist and childlike outlook that many of our men have. 

I will, however, also be fair and put some responsibility on us women. I recently had a conversation with my friend Dee about Amber Rose. I was saying how surprised I was at how Amber came across on Twitter- gracious and sweet. Dee immediately shut all that down saying women like Amber disgusted her, using solely her body to make a living and rise in the ranks of celebrity.  And not just using the video girls, she discussed women that she knows in her field that have used their body or assets to rise in the ranks. ( I will throw out a disclaimer here and state I don't know where these woman came from, nor their story on doing what they felt like they had to do. But irregardless, it's not the direction I want to see continue on.)

So I have been pondering on these two sides and wondering, when did all this begin? Clearly I need to do some research, but I am curious to know how did we go from the understanding that it will take a partnership to build a life together, strength in numbers to work through the pain that racism, discrimination, and poverty gave way to.  To today- where woman are "bitches and ho's",  video girls with their asses out (literally) are plastered not only on videos but all over social media, and slapping stripper's asses' as hard as possible is seen as acceptable and cool.


The argument some may have is, well they're video girls, or they're just strippers. But that's bullshit. My argument is that we don't have enough role models to excuse and publicize this behavior. It's embarrassing and sad to me. Of course there are strong partnerships out there, but there are not enough. And of course there are amazing men out there  - please recognize that I know that (I know plenty of them).  But we need more. 

 I am asking for responsibility and accountability people. Social media is taking over. Our kids see it, do we really want to breed our male children into thinking that their women are there to be ogled, slapped and worthless but for sexual purposes? Do we want to breed our female children into thinking it's solely their body that gives them their worth- in particular, the size of their asses?

It's exhausting. Now as I write this, I am now regretting that this sounds like a wagging of the finger. I now am pleading, begging for us to think about who we are, where we came from and what legacy we want to leave behind. I beg you women to think before you stick your asses out as far as possible in that glossy photo, and I ask you men to please think before you throw out your sexual adventures and base tweets all over the internet.

I am truly hoping for the best.

Oh, My Mind

Is it better to ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to or stay in happy ignorance bliss. I recently picked up The Power of Now and realize I am a truly compulsive thinker. My thoughts can harm me as I overthink everything. 


I am striving to become more easy-going, but it's hard because my mind is constantly going back and forth , weighing every issue, every possible outcome. If I were to decide to stay in happy ignorance would I be hurt as often? confused? angry? Would decisions be easier to make? 


I recently tweeted that "Life is full of surprises and how you handle them is what builds your character." I have the understanding that life really is a gift, that you can choose how to live, to be happy or to be sad, angry, etc.  I want to choose to be happy, though my harmful thinking habits are hard to break. I'm blessed with amazing people in my life from all walks of life. I live in a truly wonderful environment, I am so lucky to be pursuing what I want to do professionally. The only problem is my overactive mind.  


I truly do envy people that live without attachment, that have such a strong trust in the universe and their God that they know no matter what things will work out. I do think I know that overall, but when you're stuck in the middle of something so unexpected, scary, the inclination is "I want to know now".  I am hoping that The Power of Now will aid me. I am so uncertain, but I maybe it's time to let go of my old ways, to be okay with being uncertain.